


Sing me to sleep

by Falazure



Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Month [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood is That Nice Thing, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Feels, Post-Canon, i love Magnus but i also love making him sad, it's a constant battle in my head lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27906622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falazure/pseuds/Falazure
Summary: Magnus could hardly say he had good dreams at the best of times.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Month [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043481
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	Sing me to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing.
> 
> This started out as a bit of tangent about demons and the lingering effects of their presence, which turned into sappy 'protect Magnus Bane fic' and I regret nothing.

* * *

All at once Magnus came to awareness, his eyes snapped open, his breath caught in his throat as he lay rigid and still, his stomach churning with fear and nausea. The silk sheets beneath him felt like sandpaper against his clammy skin and he fought down the urge to bolt as the shadows in the room twisted and coiled at the corner of his eyes, monsters hiding just out of sight, ready to pounce, to drag him away like a helpless child.

Magnus swallowed, moved one shaky arm, then the other, forcing his breath in and out as smoothly as he could manage as he slowly pushed himself upright. A shadow flickered and he closed his eyes, it wasn’t real, nothing he saw was real.

His heart pounded in his chest, even as he turned on the bed, sliding his legs out and over onto the floor as he perched on the edge of the mattress, his movements careful and slow so he wouldn’t disturb his husband on the other side. It was skill he was _very_ good at, he had several centuries of practice after all. He blinked his eyes open and let out a quiet breath, the room felt less like a suffocating cage but he still felt trapped in his own skin, wanted to claw it all off until he was down to nothing more than the bone and tendons that held him together.

“ _No matter where you send me I will find you again.”_

Magnus only mildly flinched at the echo of his father's words from his dream, the bed hardly moving as he trembled in place and bit his lip to stop himself from making any sound. He knew he could turn around, prod Alec awake and let himself be bundled up in the comfort of his husband’s arms, but Alec’s day had been long and filled with mediating the stuffy politicians of the Alicante Clave council, Magnus didn’t want to disturb him.

 _He would want you to disturb him_.

Magnus flicked away that thought as fast as it came, straightened his spine and stood. He wasn’t even that shaky on his legs, he was fine, it was just an unpleasant dream that he would forget in a week. He just needed some fresh-air, that was all.

Moving as quietly as he could he walked over to the chair by the window, grabbed his robe and left the room, quick and silent as a shadow. He felt his shoulders unwind a little as he moved out into the lounge, shrugging his robe on and loosely tying it as he meandered to the balcony doors. He only hesitated for a moment before he opened the doors and stepped out, the cool mid-spring air hitting his skin in a way that made him let out a grateful sigh.

He stepped up to the balcony ledge, intent on leaning against it, but the moment his hands hit the rough and cold gravel he pulled back, his face pulling into a displeased frown as he swiped and brushed his hands. A shiver went down his spine and Magnus looked back into the looming darkness of the lounge, his stomach churning once again and he snapped his head back around. There was nothing there, no demons to drag him away to his father, no assassins in the shadows, but his skin pulled and tingled nonetheless, his breaths starting to come short again.

Inelegantly he stumbled to the outdoor couch, clambered up onto it and resolutely fixed his eyes on the stars above. They shone so much brighter here than they did in New York, luminous pinpricks in a sea of black and Magnus let himself sink back into the couch as his breathing calmed down.

He focused on the soft materiel underneath him, the steady in and out of his breaths, the gentle breeze lightly tickling through his hair. It was quiet out here, calm, and minute by minute he could feel himself settling back into his skin, the lead weight in his gut lessening so he could breathe without feeling like he’d ingested concrete.

He could still half feel the fires of Edom from his dream on his skin, his father’s poisonous rage as his claws had dug into Magnus’ flesh, but it was fading into the periphery of his mind, the pleasantly cool air reminding him that it was only a dream, he was awake now and the spectres of his mind couldn’t reach him here.

Magnus could hardly say he had good dreams at the best of times, but this one in particular had been plaguing him for the better part of a year, lurking in his subconscious, ready to pounce and leave him with a sleepless night even when he managed to calm himself down. Too afraid to sleep again in case it came back. Encounters with his father tended to do this to him, the demon’s sheer overwhelming presence enough to cause fear and despair even in their half-blooded children, and Magnus knew that it would abate, the nightmares would go away again, but that fact didn’t make it easier to deal with. He was so _very_ tired and he just wanted a decent nights sleep after a long few days.

He sighed as he slumped further into the cushions, his eyes languidly moving over the stars and he mapped constellations in his head.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed out there, unmoving and still but a noise behind him made him crane his head back and the long line of Alec’s body came into focus at the doorway, he looked distinctly sleep-ruffled and drowsy as he rubbed at his eyes.

“There you are.” Alec’s already deep voice was even lower and Magnus swallowed as his husband moved towards the couch.

“I didn’t wake you did I?” Magnus asked, he’d thought he’d been careful enough when leaving so that he wouldn’t disturb Alec.

“No I just woke up.” Alec pushed at Magnus until he sat up. “I saw your side was empty so I came out to find you.” He added as he slotted himself behind Magnus and pulled him back against his chest, Alec’s arms loose but still oh so warm around him.

“I’m sorry.” Magus offered on reflex, knowing even as he spoke that he didn’t actually need to apologize.

“Don’t be.” Came Alec’s automatic reply, his arms squeezing that little bit tighter. “I was worried, your absence from our bed rarely means good things.” It was a leading statement, one Magnus could follow through on or discard as he wished.

He contemplated letting it flutter away in the cool night breeze, but he was trying to do better at being honest about his feelings, both for Alec and himself, even if it was hard.

“I had a dream.” He stated simply, still unsure how to go on from there, explain the suffocating darkness of his father’s presence in his subconscious.

“A bad one.” Magnus half nodded.

“Not the worst but… not good.” He fiddled with his robe for a few seconds, smoothed the skin of one of Alec’s forearms, reminding himself where he was. “My father was in it.” He felt the sharp inhale of breath more than heard it, Alec’s arms moving up to pull him against his chest harder and Magnus blinked back the tears springing to his eyes.

He was over 500 years old, talking about his father shouldn’t still do this to him and yet… it always made him feel like his chest was being hollowed out, his heart left rotting in his chest.

“I only met him once but...” Alec’s voice was quiet, he was always hesitant to bring that situation up, he still felt guilty for his part in it even if Magnus had told him time and again that his ire around it was firmly fixed on his father. He knew better than anyone how his father could get into a person’s head and twist truths into lies for his own gain. “You hear demon and think of fire and brimstone but he was so… cold, even without being in the room it was like he sucked all the heat from it.” Magnus swallowed and nodded.

“It’s worse in person.” Magnus pushed himself back this time, seeking comfort. “It’s so oppressively bone-chilling it’s like every part of your body goes numb, but you can still feel the pain of it deep under your skin.” Alec pressed his head against the side of Magnus’ and he leaned into it, letting the warmth of his husband’s skin seep into him, Alec always ran hot and at times like this Magnus appreciated it.

“Is that how it was in your dream?” Alec’s words were muffled a little against his shoulder and Magnus shook his head.

“It was more like inescapable darkness surrounding me, his voice taunting and jeering at me, how he’d never let me go.” He shivered all at once and Alec pressed a kiss against his cheek, it worked a little and Magnus half-smiled. “I think that affects me worse because I know it’s true, one day he’ll come back.” And that was the reality that plagued Magnus, that made these nights hard to deal with, they weren’t lies or made-up horrors: he really never would escape his father.

He hadn’t even realised he’d drifted for a second when he felt Alec’s hand gently rubbing up and down his biceps even as he still held him close.

“If he ever comes back I won’t let him near you.” Magnus sucked in a breath at that, tears prickling at his eyes again.

“You can’t promise that.” Magnus tried his best to ignore how shaky and weak his voice sounded, trying not to push himself up and out of Alec’s arms, to run away and hide until he could compose himself.

“I can.” As always Alec sounded so determined that Magnus found himself wanting to believe him. “There must be ways you can ward places from greater demons, we can find those and set them up here.” Alec said, as if what he was suggesting was as simple as looking through a catalogue and picking out a shirt.

“It’s not easy-”

“I don’t doubt it’s hard, but you’re brilliant and you can’t tell me Cat wouldn’t help.” Which was a fair point, but Magnus had always hated troubling her with anything he deemed unnecessary.

“Warding off only one place in the world-”

“Is worth it.” Alec’s tone brooked no argument and Magnus huffed, slumping his head back against Alec’s shoulder and he caught a glimpse of his husband’s pointed look. After a beat Alec sighed. “More than anything if you have a place that you _know_ he can’t get into, at all, maybe it’ll help with your dreams.”

And Magnus… hadn’t considered that, old as he was it didn’t mean he knew everything and truth be told he had knew better than anyone how bad he was at actually dealing with his issues, he just pushed everything away and pretended it didn’t exist. More often than not that came back to bite him in the ass.

“When did you get so wise?” Magnus half-needled, wanting some amount of levity in this now apparent demon-warding discussion.

“I’m not I just...” He felt Alec shrug. “I didn’t always sleep well at the Institute, I couldn’t always shut off the voice that told me I didn’t belong there, not really.” This time Magnus squeezed Alec’s arms across his abdomen. “But the more I stayed here… I felt like I was safe here, that I could be _myself_ here.” Alec paused, his head moving like he was looking off to the side but Magnus kept still, let his husband speak as he stared up at the stars.

One hand squeezed Magnus’ arm and Alec’s voice was soft and gentle as he spoke. “I’ve never once had trouble sleeping in our bed and I want you to have the same sense of comfort.” And that was hard to argue with, hell Magnus didn’t even want to, not with how earnest Alec was being.

Silence stretched out into the night after that, Magnus content to let it linger for a while as he let himself relax and bask in the warmth of his husband behind him. Alec’s arms held him tight as he stared up at the sky, one hand trailing absent-mindedly across his husband’s skin as the stillness of the night settled his heart and mind. A permanent place safe from his father, it wasn’t a bad idea at all.

“I suppose it’s something to consider.” Magnus answered after a while and Alec shifted behind him, like he’d roused from a light doze.

“Good.” Alec murmured, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and Magnus let his eyes close for a moment, enjoying Alec’s gentle attentions. “Now, do you want to stay out here or go back to bed?” And Magnus knew that with a word Alec would stay out here if he wanted, no matter how much his back might protest in the morning, but honestly Magnus _was_ tired and even his back would hate him for sleeping on an outdoor couch.

“Much as I probably could sleep out here, bed is probably the better choice.” Alec hummed in agreement and Magnus let himself be pushed upwards, he might have protested a little more than strictly necessary but it was worth it to see the amused qurik of Alec’s lips as he pulled him up off the couch.

Magnus only stumbled a little from having been laid out on it for so long.

It barely took minutes for Alec to bundle him inside and back to bed, shutting doors along the way and once Magnus had removed his robe and settled under the covers again he found his eyes drooping lower and lower with every second. “Alexander?” He mumbled sleepily, one hand pawing out and in an instant it was caught.

“I’m here.” Alec said softly, and Magnus found himself pulled against his chest, a kiss pressed to his head and he sighed happily. “Go to sleep.” The command was ruined a little by the yawn that immediately followed it but Magnus obliged regardless.

This time he drifted off to blissful nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> I edit my own stuff as best I can but if you see any glaring typos or errors please let me know. :)


End file.
